No, you should not force an adopted child to call you "Mom."
It's important to let an adopted child develop their relationship with you at their own pace. Forcing the issue of what they call you can be confusing and counterproductive. Instead of demanding "Mom" or "Dad," explore alternatives.
How to Address Adoptive Parents
The referenced document suggests that instead of forcing the use of "Mom" or "Dad," you can ask the child to use "Miss" or "Mister" followed by your first name (e.g., Mr. John or Mrs. Smith). This approach allows the child to address you respectfully while still allowing them time to become comfortable with the idea of using "Mom" or "Dad" if and when they are ready.
Here's a breakdown of why forcing titles isn't ideal and what to do instead:
- Respect the Child's Pace: Each child is different and will adjust to adoption at their own rhythm. Forcing labels can add pressure and anxiety.
- Confusion: Insisting on a specific title too early can be confusing for the child, particularly if they are coming from a different living situation.
- Relationship Building: Focus on building a strong and loving relationship first. The right terms of address will evolve naturally over time.
- Alternatives are OK: There's no rule book saying you must be called "Mom" or "Dad." Alternatives like "Miss/Mister" followed by your first name are just as appropriate initially.
Practical Tips for Adoptive Parents
Here are a few practical suggestions:
- Be Patient: Allow the child to adjust to their new home and family without pressure.
- Offer Options: Suggest the "Miss/Mister + first name" option as an alternative for the child to use.
- Observe and Respond: Pay attention to how the child refers to you and others in their life and respond with understanding.
- Follow the Child's Lead: If the child begins to call you "Mom" or "Dad" spontaneously, then reciprocate their choice.
- Talk Openly: When appropriate, have an open discussion about what the child is comfortable calling you.
Ultimately, the goal should be to create a safe and loving environment where an adopted child feels secure and loved. The terms of address will follow naturally from that foundation of trust.
