Navigating a double bind, according to one perspective, is best achieved through clear contracting, beginning with a commitment to yourself.
Understanding the Double Bind
A double bind is a complex communication or situational paradox where an individual receives contradictory messages or is placed in a situation where they are trapped between conflicting demands. Regardless of the choice made, the individual is often seen as failing or facing negative consequences.
The Power of Clear Contracting
Based on the provided reference, clear contracting is the best way to untangle the double bind. This approach emphasizes establishing clear boundaries and expectations, first and foremost, with yourself.
Starting with a Self-Contract
The initial step involves starting by making a contract with yourself. This isn't a formal written document necessarily, but rather an internal commitment to gain clarity and set personal terms within the confusing situation.
Clarifying Control
A key theme to focus on within this self-contract is distinguishing between what you can and cannot control in the situation. You can focus on the following themes. Clarify the specific things you can and can't control in the situation.
This process helps reduce the feeling of being trapped by identifying areas where you have agency and those where you need to accept the limitations.
Practical Application: Identifying Control
To put this into practice, consider the specific elements of the double bind you are experiencing. You can categorize them as follows:
- Things I Can Control:
- My own actions and responses.
- My thoughts and interpretations of the situation.
- My communication style (e.g., being direct, setting boundaries).
- Seeking support or clarification.
- Deciding how to spend my time and energy.
- My personal boundaries.
- Things I Cannot Control:
- Other people's reactions or feelings.
- Other people's expectations or demands.
- The initial rules or constraints of the double bind situation.
- Past events.
- External circumstances beyond my influence.
By making this distinction, you create a clearer internal landscape, allowing you to focus your energy effectively on the aspects you can influence, rather than feeling overwhelmed by those you cannot. This self-clarity forms the basis of the "clear contracting" needed to navigate the complexity of a double bind.
