A demisexual person is someone who experiences sexual attraction only after forming a close emotional bond with another person.
Understanding Demisexuality
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation that sits on the spectrum of asexuality. Unlike people who experience primary sexual attraction (attraction based on initial impressions), demisexuals need that strong emotional connection first.
Key Characteristics of Demisexuality:
- Emotional Bond Required: A close emotional bond is a prerequisite for sexual attraction. This means that a demisexual person won’t feel sexually attracted to someone simply because they find them physically attractive.
- Bond Doesn't Guarantee Attraction: Developing a strong emotional bond does not automatically mean a demisexual person will develop sexual attraction. The bond is a necessary condition, but not a sufficient one.
- Time and Connection: Building a meaningful relationship often takes time, so demisexuals often won't experience sexual attraction quickly or easily.
- Not a Choice: Demisexuality is a sexual orientation, not a choice. It is the way a person experiences attraction.
- Spectrum of Experiences: Like other sexual orientations, experiences can vary among demisexuals. The type of bond required or the intensity of attraction may differ from person to person.
Demisexuality vs. Other Sexual Orientations
It's essential to distinguish demisexuality from other orientations:
| Orientation | Attraction | Emotional Bond Required? |
|---|---|---|
| Heterosexual/Homosexual/Bisexual/Pansexual | Attraction is based on gender or presentation of the individual | No |
| Asexual | Lack of sexual attraction to anyone. | Not Applicable |
| Demisexual | Sexual attraction develops only after a strong emotional bond | Yes |
Examples
Here are some examples to illustrate demisexuality:
- A demisexual person might form a close friendship with someone for months or even years before they develop sexual feelings for them.
- A person might not understand why they don’t find the same people attractive that their friends do, or feel pressured to be sexually attracted to someone, before discovering demisexuality as an identity.
- Someone might feel confused or broken, that they can't feel attraction to other people the way others might seem to. They discover demisexuality, and suddenly their feelings and experiences make sense.
Practical Insights
- Patience and Understanding: If you are dating someone who is demisexual, patience and understanding are crucial. Don’t expect sexual attraction to develop quickly.
- Honest Communication: Open communication about feelings and boundaries is very important for navigating any relationship with a demisexual person.
- Acknowledge and Validate: It's important to acknowledge and validate the experiences of demisexual individuals.
In summary, a demisexual person experiences sexual attraction only after a significant emotional connection has been established, and this is a fundamental aspect of their sexual orientation, not a choice.
