Anger can be a scary emotion due to the potential for harm it can cause both to others and ourselves.
The Fear of Causing Harm
One of the primary reasons anger is so scary is the fear of its destructive potential. When feeling angry, there's a real concern that you might:
- Hurt others emotionally: As highlighted in the provided reference, you might fear "that you will hurt, or even destroy the other person emotionally if you are angry." This fear is often rooted in a desire to protect loved ones and avoid causing them pain.
- Lose control: Anger can feel like a loss of control, and the fear of saying or doing things that you might regret later is a significant source of anxiety surrounding this emotion.
- Damage relationships: The potential for angry outbursts to strain or even break relationships makes the feeling intimidating, as maintaining positive social connections is a fundamental human need.
Losing Self-Awareness
Another aspect of anger that makes it frightening is how it can impair our self-awareness. The reference points out that "when someone is angry or critical, you may be thinking about how they are feeling so much that you lose awareness of what you are feeling." This can lead to:
- Difficulty identifying and addressing your own needs: Focusing too much on others' anger can prevent you from recognizing and managing your own feelings effectively.
- Emotional overwhelm: The intensity of anger can cause you to be so focused on the immediate issue that you lose sight of your internal state, leading to feeling overwhelmed and even more out of control.
Understanding the Fear
To summarize, the scariness of anger stems from a combination of the following:
| Fear Type | Description |
|---|---|
| Fear of harming others | The worry that your anger might inflict emotional or even physical damage on others. |
| Fear of losing control | The anxiety that anger can make you act in ways that you would normally not act, potentially causing regret or harm. |
| Fear of self-neglect | The tendency to prioritize the feelings of an angry person over your own, leading to a loss of your own emotional awareness. |
In essence, anger is scary because it is associated with the fear of hurting others, losing control, and losing yourself in the process. Recognizing these fears is the first step towards managing anger more effectively.
