You can use empathy with your child by actively trying to understand their feelings and perspective, and responding in a supportive way. Here's how, based on strategies for showing empathy:
Understanding and Practicing Empathy with Your Child
Empathy involves more than just acknowledging your child's feelings; it requires a genuine effort to understand their experiences from their point of view. It also involves managing your reactions and responses effectively.
Key Strategies for Empathy
Here are some strategies for practicing empathy with your child:
- Use the "Platinum Rule," not the "Golden Rule":
- Instead of treating your child the way you want to be treated, treat them the way they need to be treated. This requires understanding their individual needs and preferences. For example, if your child is upset about failing a test, avoid saying "I always wanted to get a good grade." Instead, try to understand how they feel about the test.
- Don't Just Assume:
- Avoid making assumptions about why your child is behaving a certain way. Ask them directly about their feelings and thoughts.
- Set Aside Frustrations and Judgment:
- It's important to remain calm and non-judgmental. Focus on understanding your child's emotions without letting your own frustrations cloud your perception.
- Use "I" Statements:
- Express your understanding of their feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, "I can see that you're feeling really disappointed about not making the team."
- Don't Jump Into Fix-It Mode:
- Resist the urge to immediately solve their problems. Sometimes, children just need to feel heard and understood. Offer support and validation before offering solutions.
- Take a Time-Out (If Needed):
- If you're feeling overwhelmed or unable to respond empathetically, it's okay to take a break to compose yourself.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions:
- Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer. Examples include: "How did that make you feel?" or "What was the hardest part about that?"
- Actively Listen:
- Pay attention to what your child is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Show that you are engaged by making eye contact, nodding, and summarizing their points to ensure you understand.
Practical Example
Imagine your child comes home upset after an argument with a friend.
- Avoid Assumptions: Don't assume you know why they're upset.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: "Tell me what happened between you and your friend today."
- Actively Listen: Pay attention to their story, nodding and making eye contact.
- Use "I" Statements: "I hear that you're feeling hurt because your friend said those things."
- Don't Fix It Immediately: Resist the urge to tell them how to fix the friendship. Instead, say, "It sounds like that was a difficult conversation. How are you feeling about it now?"
By following these steps, you create a safe space for your child to express their emotions, fostering a stronger connection and building their emotional intelligence.
