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How Do You Ask Someone a Question About Them?

Published in Interpersonal Communication 3 mins read

You can ask someone a question about themselves by using open-ended inquiries that encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, experiences, or perspectives.

Here's a breakdown of how to effectively ask someone a question about themselves:

1. Choose the Right Question:

  • Consider the context: What is the setting, and what is your relationship with the person? Tailor your questions accordingly. Avoid overly personal questions with someone you just met.
  • Start simple: Ease into deeper conversations with lighter, more general questions.
  • Focus on positive aspects: Asking about their favorite things, accomplishments, or passions can create a more comfortable and engaging interaction. Examples: "What's something you're proud of accomplishing recently?" or "What are you passionate about?"
  • Open-ended questions are key: Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". These encourage them to elaborate and share more information.

2. Phrase Your Question Effectively:

  • Use "what," "how," and "why" questions: These prompts encourage thoughtful responses.
  • Be clear and concise: Avoid jargon or overly complex wording.
  • Use a friendly and approachable tone: Your body language and tone of voice can make a big difference in how the person receives your question.
  • Examples:
    • Instead of: "Do you like your job?"
    • Try: "What do you enjoy most about your job?"

3. Be a Good Listener:

  • Pay attention to their response: Make eye contact, nod, and show genuine interest.
  • Ask follow-up questions: Show that you're engaged and want to learn more. This also encourages them to keep talking.
  • Avoid interrupting: Let them finish their thoughts before you respond.
  • Example: If they say they enjoy the creative aspects of their job, you could ask, "What kind of creative projects do you work on?"

4. Examples of Questions to Ask:

Here are some examples, categorized for different situations:

  • General Getting-to-Know-You:
    • "What's been the highlight of your week so far?"
    • "What are you looking forward to?"
    • "What's a skill you'd love to learn?"
    • "What's your favorite way to spend a free day?"
  • Deeper Conversation Starters:
    • "What's a value that's important to you?"
    • "What's a challenge you've overcome that you're proud of?"
    • "What's something that makes you feel unstoppable?" (Referencing the teenVogue article)
    • "What's your favorite quality about yourself?" (Referencing the teenVogue article)
  • Work-Related:
    • "What are some of the challenges you face in your role?"
    • "What do you find most rewarding about your work?"
    • "What are you working on that you're excited about?"

5. Considerations for Sensitive Topics:

  • Be mindful of boundaries: Avoid asking questions that might be too personal or intrusive, especially early in a relationship.
  • Frame sensitive questions carefully: Use gentle language and express your concern.
  • Be prepared for them to decline to answer: Respect their boundaries and don't pressure them.

In summary, asking someone a question about themselves involves choosing relevant, open-ended questions, phrasing them effectively, and being an attentive listener who shows genuine interest in their response. The key is to make them feel comfortable and encourage them to share what they want to share.

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