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How do I get my strict parents to say yes?

Published in Parental Negotiation 4 mins read

Getting strict parents to say "yes" requires a strategic and respectful approach. Here's how to increase your chances of success:

Understanding Your Parents' Perspective

Before you begin, try to understand why your parents are strict. What are their concerns? What values are they trying to uphold? Addressing these underlying issues is key.

The Strategy: A Step-by-Step Guide

Here’s a breakdown of how to approach your parents, incorporating advice from the reference:

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing is everything. Don't ambush them when they're stressed, tired, or preoccupied. Pick a moment when they are relaxed and receptive. For example, approach the subject when you are having dinner on the weekend.

  2. Be Calm, Cool, and Collected: Present your request calmly and rationally. Avoid emotional outbursts or whining, which will likely backfire. A composed demeanor shows maturity and respect.

  3. Make Them Want It Too! Highlight the benefits to them. How will your request improve your life, your grades, or your overall well-being? Frame your request in a way that aligns with their values.

    • Example: "If I can go to the party, I'll make sure all my homework is done beforehand, and I will be home by midnight."
  4. Be Patient: Don't expect an immediate answer. Give them time to consider your request. Pressuring them will likely lead to a "no." Be patient, and don't expect an answer right away.

  5. Be Flexible: Be willing to compromise. If they're hesitant about one aspect of your request, see if you can negotiate. Offer alternatives that address their concerns. Be flexible.

  6. Clean Up Your Act: Demonstrate responsibility and maturity. Make sure your grades are good, you're completing your chores, and you're following their rules. Clean up your act. This shows them you're trustworthy.

  7. Ask Why (Politely): If they initially say no, don't give up immediately. Politely ask them to explain their reasoning. Understanding their concerns allows you to address them directly. If they say no, ask why (politely).

Summarized Checklist

Action Description
Pick the right time/place Avoid stressful moments; choose a relaxed setting.
Be calm Present your case rationally, avoiding emotional outbursts.
Make them want it Highlight the benefits to them and how it aligns with their values.
Be patient Allow them time to consider; don't pressure them.
Be flexible Be open to compromise and negotiation.
Ask why (if 'no') Politely inquire about their reasoning to address their concerns.
Clean up your act Show responsibility and maturity to build trust.

Example Scenario

Let's say you want to go to a concert.

  • Right Time/Place: Bring it up during a relaxed weekend dinner.
  • Calm: "Mom, Dad, I'd like to talk to you about going to a concert."
  • Make Them Want It: "It's a band I really enjoy, and the music is very uplifting. It would be a great way to relieve stress from school. Plus, it would be a great experience to share with my friends."
  • Flexible: "I'm willing to be home by 11 PM, and I'll text you updates throughout the night."
  • If they Say No (and why): "I understand you are worried about my safety. How about I go with a group of friends and we all stay together, and one of their parents drives and stays too?"

By following these steps and demonstrating maturity, you can significantly increase your chances of getting a "yes" from your strict parents.

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