Yes, generally, you should tell your partner if you are not physically attracted to them.
Why Honesty is Important
- Respect: As noted, "it takes courage to be honest but most of us would want honesty over pity." Your partner deserves to know the truth about your feelings, even if it's difficult.
- Fairness: Continuing a relationship where you're not attracted can be unfair to your partner. They are likely seeking a connection that includes physical attraction.
- Relationship Integrity: Building a relationship on honesty is crucial. Hiding such a significant feeling can damage trust and intimacy.
The Impact of Withholding the Truth
- Feeling Deceived: According to the provided reference, "Your partner may feel duped that at the point of commitment he did not know the extent of the lack of attraction to him...". Discovering this later may lead to resentment and a feeling of being misled.
- Stifled Communication: Keeping such a major issue a secret makes open and honest communication within the relationship incredibly difficult.
- Missed Opportunity for Growth: Addressing the lack of attraction, while painful, opens opportunities for both of you to grow, whether together or apart.
How to Approach the Conversation
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a private and calm environment where you both can have an open and honest conversation without interruptions.
- Be Compassionate: This is a sensitive topic. Try to be gentle in your delivery while being truthful.
- Use "I" Statements: Focus on expressing your feelings and experiences, rather than blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying "You're not attractive," try "I've noticed that I haven't been feeling physically attracted recently."
- Listen to Their Perspective: Allow your partner the opportunity to express their feelings and grievances. The reference states that, "...he deserves to air his grievances and have them understood and heard by you."
- Be Prepared for Different Outcomes: The conversation may lead to difficult discussions, and ultimately, the end of the relationship. Be prepared for all possibilities.
Considerations
| Factor | Description |
|---|---|
| Emotional Cost | This conversation will likely be emotionally painful for both of you. |
| Potential for Change | While some aspects of attraction can change, it is important to determine if the lack of physical attraction is a fundamental issue. |
| Long-Term Impact | Avoiding the truth can create more significant damage in the long term, leading to resentment and mistrust. |
