It's common to feel attracted to other people even when you're in a committed relationship.
Despite common misconceptions, experiencing attraction to individuals other than your partner, and even thinking or fantasizing about them, is quite frequent among people who are dating or married. According to available information, it isn't abnormal nor is it wrong. It happens. You should not feel guilt for whatever you feel or think in this regard.
Understanding Attraction While in a Relationship
Feeling attracted to others doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with your current relationship or that you don't love your boyfriend. Human attraction is complex and can exist on multiple levels (physical, emotional, intellectual). Being in a relationship doesn't turn off your ability to perceive attractive qualities in other people.
Here's why you might experience this:
- Natural Human Experience: Attraction to others is a normal part of the human experience. Your brain is wired to notice potential mates, regardless of your relationship status.
- Appreciating Qualities: You might simply be noticing and appreciating positive qualities in others without any intention of acting on them.
- Novelty: New people can sometimes trigger a sense of novelty that existing, stable relationships may lack in certain moments.
- Emotional Connection: You might feel an attraction based on shared interests or personality traits, rather than a desire for a romantic or sexual relationship.
What Feeling Attraction Doesn't Necessarily Mean
It's important to distinguish between feeling attraction and acting on it.
| Feeling Attraction | vs. | Acting on Attraction |
|---|---|---|
| A thought or feeling | vs. | A behavior or action |
| Often involuntary | vs. | A conscious choice |
| Doesn't define your relationship health | vs. | Can impact relationship boundaries |
| Is common and normal | vs. | Depends on your relationship's rules |
Feeling attraction doesn't automatically signify:
- You don't love your boyfriend.
- Your relationship is failing.
- You are a bad person or partner.
As the reference highlights, it isn't abnormal nor is it wrong. The feeling itself is just a feeling.
Managing Feelings Without Guilt
Since feeling attraction to others is common and normal, the key is often in how you process and respond to these feelings, not in trying to suppress them entirely.
- Acknowledge Without Judgment: Simply notice the feeling without attaching guilt or shame to it. Remember, it isn't abnormal nor is it wrong.
- Focus on Your Relationship: Use the feeling as a reminder to appreciate what you have with your boyfriend. Sometimes, noticing qualities in others can help you identify what you value in your partner.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: If you find yourself dwelling excessively or developing inappropriate thoughts, focus on reinforcing your commitment and emotional boundaries with others.
- Communicate (If Needed): While not always necessary to share every fleeting thought, open communication with your partner about feelings and boundaries can strengthen trust in the long run, depending on your relationship dynamic.
Feeling attraction to others while in a relationship is a normal human experience. The crucial aspect is understanding that this feeling is common, doesn't make you a bad person, and doesn't inherently indicate a problem with your current relationship.
