We are often critical of ourselves because, paradoxically, it gives us a sense of control.
The Illusion of Control
According to research, a key reason we engage in self-criticism is that it gives us the illusion of control. We can't control what others think of us, so we turn inward. This self-directed criticism acts as a channel for anxious energy. Instead of grappling with external uncertainties, we focus on what we believe we can control: our own thoughts and behaviors.
The Cycle of Self-Criticism
This creates a negative cycle:
- Anxiety about external judgment: We worry about what others think.
- Shift to self-criticism: We try to preemptively control the situation by criticizing ourselves.
- Illusion of control: We feel temporarily better because we believe we are addressing the problem.
- Reinforcement: This reinforces the behavior, making us more likely to be self-critical in the future.
Breaking Free From Self-Criticism
While self-awareness and reflection are important, constant self-criticism can be detrimental. Here are some strategies to break free:
- Recognize the Pattern: Become aware of when you are engaging in self-critical thoughts.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.
- Focus on Controllable Actions: Instead of dwelling on uncontrollable external opinions, focus on actions you can take to improve.
- Seek Professional Help: If self-criticism is severely impacting your well-being, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
By understanding the underlying reasons for self-criticism, we can begin to challenge these patterns and cultivate a more compassionate and supportive inner voice.
